I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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