my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
