my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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