I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
