"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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