Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
do nipples grow back?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
