i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
