Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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