I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
