I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
