Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love you. Go after that dick
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
