take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize