No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
