let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
