Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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