turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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