...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
