Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
