The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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