I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
