I like to think it a success when the cops are called
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
