So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
