I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
