you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
