covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
