I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
