From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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