nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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