i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your penis caused this!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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