Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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