Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
