so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
