you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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