So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
