Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
