I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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