The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
