break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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