I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
