he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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