WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
