Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My penis needs a shock collar
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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