I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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