There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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