it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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