I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
