Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
