So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
