so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
