if you like me you must not know who I am
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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