So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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