Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
