Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
