dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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