We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
