You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
