and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
