I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
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Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the liver wants what the liver wants
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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