Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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