Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
