I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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