i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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