Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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