I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
