I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
