Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
