The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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