There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
