I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
